I Should Have Listened to Kierke"Jenni" - Category: Personal Stories

By Guest Blogger, Jennifer D. Barenz

I invited my sister, Jenni, to guest blog today. She is full of insight and is getting her PhD in Clinical Psychology. We were taking a walk the other day and she brought up some of interesting points. I asked her if she wouldn't mind blogging about it and I was very happy when she agreed. Enjoy! -Stephanie

Kierkegaard says, “Don’t compare yourself! It’s stupid and will make you fall down!”

The other day I was sitting in my personal library, stroking my imaginary beard, smoking a pipe filled with imported Cuban tobacco, sipping scotch, and admiring my many leather bound books. All of this gets one to thinking, “I think it’s time to read some Soren Kierkegaard.”

WARNING: I am mildly obsessed with the great philosopher and was thusly nicknamed “KierkeJenni” in college so take my loving interpretation of him as you wish.

Jenni's love obsession, Soren Kierkegaard. It should be noted that Jenni has decided to name her first son Soren. For real. 

When it comes to loving Gd, yourself, your partner, your family, your friends, your job, your art, and your life in general, there is one major thing you have to watch out for. Comparison.

Comparison is sneaky because it is not the first thing we think to watch out for, especially in American the Beautiful. In fact, it is probably one thing that Americans do best. We read People magazine (how does one not compare oneself to, “Halle Berry, Katie Perry, Julia Roberts, oh my!”). We check out which new love story is unfolding between the stars. We compare how well football players and washed up reality TV stars shake it on Dancing with the Stars. We compare women on the Bachelor. We compare FOX news with CNN with CNBC. We compare political candidates, supermarkets, flat screen TV’s, churches, diets, gyms, salaries, schools, ect…ect…ect…the list goes on. Americans know how to compare.

Comparing flat screen TV’s is one thing but when it comes to love, comparing is dangerous. When we stop what we are doing in order to look around and see what others are doing, we miss everything. Kierkegaard says, “What does comparison always lose? The moment.”

The guest blogger Jenni, taking advantage of the moment and loving her nephew. 

Regarding loving ourselves, whether we are kicking ourselves for not measuring up or thinking about how much better we are than another person, we are losing the moment. We just spent precious moments of life doing something that actually does not accomplish anything except make us feel really poopy or falsely superior. When I compare my abilities, looks, or status in life with other people – I spend more time moping and less time loving myself by actually doing the things that lead to a meaningful life. If my sister spent her whole day wandering around art galleries and trying to make her work look like someone else’s, by the end of the day she would be really upset and have a really weird looking piece of art. She would be missing out on her own creative process and all the joy, sweat, and tears that goes into making a great work of art.

When it comes to loving others, comparing is just as dangerous. What happens when we start comparing those we love and our relationships to them with the things we see in movies, in other families, or in other friendships? We spend a lot of time wishing for things that only happen when you STOP comparing. When we’re in the moment of hugging, laughing, cooking or sharing, there is no room for comparison. The minute you start thinking about how funny your loved one is compared with someone else, it’s hard to pay attention to the joke they are telling. The minute you start wondering whether your family is as close as other families, you miss the moments you should be spending asking about each other’s days. 

Word. 

So we get why comparing is stupid and gets in the way of love but why will it make you fall down?

Kierkegaard says that love is like an arrow. It starts off doing just fine, blazing through the air, getting things accomplished. But what if an arrow started to try to turn around and look at how fast it was going or which direction it was headed, or just to check his hot arrow self out? Well, then the arrow would no longer be flying through the air, it would have lost direction completely due to turning around to look at itself. It would be spiraling down to the earth and thinking, “I should have listened to Kierkegaard.”

So don’t be like that poor unfortunate arrow. Love with all your heart and leave comparison for the flat screen TV’s! 

Arrows should be shot away from you. One should always wear green tights while shooting arrows too.