Studio Soundtrack: Bell X1 - Category: Studio Soundtrack
Standing At The End of the See-Saw - Category: Personal Stories
As an artist you have to have guts but be vunerable. You can't care what people think yet you have to be aware of what context you are situating yourself in. You have to make work like its your job but you have to ease up on yourself so you don't go crazy. You have to have fun yet take what you do seriously. Being creative is about balancing contradictions. I have said the following about a million times, "I just want my life to be more balanced. I want to work out, have the perfect body, have no credit card debt, show work at all the important places, teach, draw everyday, eat no sugar, and on and on." I have heard a lot of artists say that the most important thing to them is balance, which is a very admirable thing to want. This used to be my goal up until about two months ago. I was having dinner with one of my favorite teachers from high school. She is someone that I really admire, she just got her doctorate, is writing a book, and pretty much rocks at life in every way possible. I was telling her my sob story about balance and she said something very wise that changed the way I think about my life as an artist,
"Imagine yourself on a see-saw. Now think of yourself in the middle of that see-saw trying to keep it balanced and how much energy that takes. Wouldn't it be better for you just to walk to one end and stand there?"
(Above Image: Taken from this blog.)
The point is, sometimes trying to maintain the balancing act as an artist is too much for one person to handle. Sure you might not have the most perfect of relationships when you have a show coming up but that is the nature of the work you do, just surround yourself with people who understand. You might fall in love and be completely consumed by it, so then you may ease off on the painting for a little bit until you figure out how to be good at maintaining a relationship. You might get a new teaching job, so that becomes your priority and you make work in the summer instead. We don't have to be one man bands, playing every freaking instrument all at once. Struggle is good to a point, but when it causes chemical imbalances, heavy drinking, bouts of crying, and days spent in bed its better to just walk to the end of the plank and say "Screw it." I don't know about you but standing at the end of the see-saw makes me much happier than wobbling around in the middle.
Big Paintings, Gestalt Psychology, and Red Ale - Category: From the Studio
On Friday I gave you a glimpse of a big drawing I have been working on for the St. Marcus commission. I spent a week creating a three paneled, 5ft x 8ft preliminary drawing to present to the board this past Saturday. It feels good to be creating something of this scale again, which I haven't done since grad school. I really need to get back to creating large works on a regular basis. I like to be able to move around my piece because I feel like I have room to breath and take more risks. Maybe it goes back to my days in painting murals and backdrops in technical theater. I like the action of moving around a piece of art. I like to literally swim in my paintings, for example this past week I spent most of the day on my belly, scooting around on top of my drawing.
Julie Mehretu, a favorite artist of mine from Ethiopia, talks about this movement as it relates to the viewing experience. In her massive works she likes to create small individual narratives where the viewer has to come up close to read them and then step back to see how all those little narratives are forming a larger collective. This is a visual metaphor for an individual's role in the society. This is something I have integrated into my work as well and is probably the biggest reason why I like to work on a large scale. It provides me the opportunity to let a story unfold. As a viewer you can choose to read only part of that or you can step back and take it in its entirety. This again references how each individual person or place contributes to a bigger picture, whether it is a home, a neighborhood, or city.
In my 2D design class I talk about a term called Gestalt Psychology, which means the brain takes in the whole before dissecting its individual parts. For example, if you were watching a basketball game you would recognize it first as a game before breaking it down into players, the court, and the hoop. If you try on a necklace you see it as a necklace before looking at each link and stone. When I create the larger works I feel that I get to blur the lines between the parts and the whole a little more than usual. It also gets me to thinking that as a society we often see things as one big clump instead of focusing on the small details that may be causing problems. As my mother always says, "It is the little things in life that matter."
This commission has provided me with the opportunity to investigate that again and I am really excited about it. Especially since St. Marcus is very conscious of the role they play in their neighborhood and in the lives of others. In June I will be getting ready for my opening so I won't be posting progress photos of the St. Marcus painting again until mid- July. Here is a sneak peak of what I worked on in the studio and what is to come:
Above: The discussion with the board went really well and they had some great comments and insight into the project.
Above: The final and probably most important step to the giant drawing was going to Romans with friends after it was all done. I tried the Monks Cafe Flemish Sour Red Ale and the Three Floyds Rabbid Rabbit Saison. Both extremely wonderful and well deserved.
Anxious Ambition - Category: Personal Stories
Right now I am in the middle of a lot of big projects. This happens to me a lot, where everything seems to happen at once. I think it is just the nature of being in a creative field. You get opportunities and you have to take them and figure out how to make it work. I think my schooling did a pretty good job of preparing me for meeting deadlines but lately I have been thinking of how I can come up with a more joyful way of working.
(Above: A project I have been working on the last couple of weeks.)
I like to make work for the sheer joy of creating not for an audience or a gallerist. This is a hard thing to do because it is very easy to let ambition and efficiency get in the way when you have a deadline to meet. A mentor of mine sent me an article recently that said efficiency is the opposite of creativity. I have read this before and was reminded that my need to "get things done" and "to make work" are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum and should not be confused.
In the book, The War of Art, Pressfield says the act of creating is just ordinary work. You go to the studio, you put in the time, and you don't go all "artsy-fartsy"* on yourself. I agree but it is my tendency to look at my work like a day job and measure my rate of production at the end of the day. My friend sent me this excerpt from the Art of Practicing and it got me thinking about all of the above,
"We lose touch with (our) heart when we become overly ambitious. Ambition is healthy, but becomes destructive when we drive ourselves too hard. We become so anxious to get the result we want that we push our bodies and minds to do things before they are ready. Such striving might make us feel superficially good about ourselves, but it creates struggle and discomfort instead of ease and pleasure."
(Above: What will happen to you creatively if you let anxious ambition get in the way.)
I know a lot of people who are young parents. As I have watched them go from single hood to parenthood I have noticed how parenting has totally chilled them out. I always thought that becoming a parent would make you more anxious and ambitious (and for some I guess it probably does) but in the case of my friends and family I have seen the opposite. My take on this is that you can't force a kid to be efficient because it isn't on their radar. My three-year-old niece's day looks something like this: Pick various grasses and weeds, put them in a bucket, spray water on them, dump the bucket on head, and then run around naked.
I suppose as a parent you see how you can't make your day or child efficient. You realize life goes on and you are usually better off when you don't force things. I hope to start approaching my work more like the way my niece approaches play, but maybe minus the running around outside naked part, as my neighbors might not really like that.
(Above: My niece at her finest. )
*This is a term that my father enjoys using when I take myself too seriously or when he approaches any sort of performance art. My younger sister also enjoys demonstrating "artsy-fartsy" behavior by coming into my studio and waving her arms and doing an "interpretive" dance while I am in painting. While I am plotting my revenge on both of them, I must say that laughing at yourself is the best way to snap out of the "anxiously ambitious" mindset.
Old Signage, Gospel Choirs, and A Rough Sketch - Category: From the Studio
A sign on North Ave that I fell in love with.
If you have been following my twitter feed you probably have noticed me talking about St. Marcus Lutheran Church here in Milwaukee. I am working on a commission for them this summer for their atrium. If you aren't familiar with this church you can check them out by clicking here. I know what you are thinking, "Stephanie, since when do you paint religious imagery?" That is the awesome part about this project, they are seeking a piece that communicates the diversity of their congregation, represents the architectural beauty of their historic North Ave. neighborhood, and shows people coming together. So yes, right up my alley!
I have spent a good week taking hundreds of photos of North Ave and St. Marcus. I got to see their amazing Choice school program in action, listen to gospel choirs, happen upon historic buildings and old signage, and talk with people about their history with St. Marcus. As I spent the week observing this place and its people I was very much moved by their mission. It is a meeting place where people really love and know each other. As a result of their contagious loving attitudes, social change is taking place in their neighborhood. It was a beautiful thing to witness and I can't wait to get started on the painting. I included a photo of one of my rough sketches below. I will be updating you on the project through out the summer so stay tuned!
The sanctuary
